The Story of my LIFE :)

Ever since I was a child, self proclaimed TV addict ako. I can do multitasking as long as may TV sa harap ko. I eat in front of the television, I make assignments in front of the TV, I review in front of the TV, and practically whatever I do laging may TV. But never sumagi sa isip ko ang pagiging producer.

Siguro kung isa akong TV producer, I would produce a show entitled “the story of my life”. Makasarili ba? Haha. Oo, seryoso ipoproduce ko yung istorya ng buhay ko. Hindi para sumikat ako wah. Hindi ko rin naisip yan dahil masyadong madrama o maaksyon ang buhay ko. At lalong hindi ko naisip yan dahil tinanong ko si pau at si oneng, hindi! Wala kayong patunay haha.

I will produce the story of my life to show to the world how wonderful are the people that surrounds me. Kung gano katyaga, kapasyensyosa at kaingay ang nanay ko :). Kung gaano kasipag, maparaan at kadaldal ang tatay ko. Kung gaano kadaldal, kaingay at kamaalalahanin ang kapatid ko (chos) haha. Gusto ko din malaman ng maraming tao kung gaano ko kaswerte hindi lang sa pamilya kundi din sa mga friends ko. Si Ivory? Yan yung tao na sobrang daldal, parang laging may nakapasak na mega phone sa bunganga at sobrang iyakin. Si Pau na masipag mag-aral, yung tipo ng taong akala mo matino may kalokohan din naman sa katawan. Si Oneng? No comment haha. Joke lang, si Atty. Oneng? Matalino yan sa kalokohan lang ginagamit haha. Labyu bebst. Si Tsel? Isang babaeng marunong kumanta. Marunong ah, hindi magaling haha pero pag nagipit ka dyan mo maasahan. Si khing? Wala magaling yan, sobra. Si chi? Mabait yan tamad nga lang. Si Shan? Maganda yan, may sapak lang minsan haha. Si te Pie? Laging nawawala pero super maalalahanin. Si Wenvy? Super sa English, pero super independent din. Si Kuya Fat? Isa sa pinaka matalinong taong nakilala ko, di lang sa academics pati sa sales. Si Shaine? isa sa pinakamatapang na babaeng nakilala ko, pero isa din sa pinaka vulnerable. Si Gil, sinabi ko man na pinaka nakakairitang taong nakilala ko pero sya din yung isa sa mga taong di ko malilimutan.

Sila, sila yung reason kung bakit ako si april. They are the ones who made me who I am today. I will produce the story of my life not me as the main character. They are the main characters, supporting lang ako, parang ako lang yung insighting incident sa program na yun. Without them I have nothing to produce. They made my LIFE :)

"When is free better, when is not"

      The first time I heard this topic, I immediately ask our professor "ano po?" I admit at first hindi ko pa ito lubusang maunawaan that time but after a few seconds nakuha ko na naman ang ibig sabihin ng mga meaningful but deep phrases na ito.

       Dumating din po ako sa ganitong pagkakataon that I asked this particular question to myself, then I answered: "depende kung para saan ang kalayaan na gusto ko...depends upon the situation sagot ko sa aking sarili. 

         Yes po kinda weird to do it, but that's my unique way of realizing a topic just like this. May mga bagay po kasi na kailangan mo na natin maramdaman or maexperience para masabi po natin kung kailan pa ito maganda at kailan na ito di tama.

          I don't have a girlfriend ever since, but let's take for example LOVE, and ito po ay based lamang sa mga naoobserve ko, there's a boy or girl that you love, but you each other were not bagay eto sya eto ka lang.

          Yes po may kalayaan po tayong magmahal, pero po ask yourself first tama ba na mahalin ko siya, tama ba na sundin ko ang kagustuhang kalayaan ng puso ko. Dapat ko ba siyang mahalin or gustuhin pa?

           Sa pamilya, like for example again, you as a teenager doesn't give you freedom to just go out with your friends every weekends, because your parents ay nakapanood ng news na delikadong lumabas or nasa labas because of the strong typhoon na paparating, baka ma-istranded ka lang. Eh your friends nagpumilit pa rin, you were left behind. 

        Then after a few hours nag-txt sa iyo parent ng isa mong friend na sila ganun were stranded walang masakyan pauwi. See the freedom that you were fighting for to your parents a while ago was not worth it pala.

           Now if we make our mindsets much awake and our eyes more keen with the things that happened to the surroundings, we can now proudly tell to ourselves, that not all freedom were better, merong mga instances oo na maganda ang nagiging results, pero sabi nga ng aking mga kapamilya dito sa aming place; Ang sobrang malaya ay nauuwe sa pagiging pariwara, just because we tend to do things na akala natin is ok because nagawa natin ito ng malaya sa ating kalooban ng walang nangyaring masama sa atin noong una, iyon pala ay ikakapahamak mo pa ito for a long time just because walang guide and warnings coming from your love ones.

                  

 

 

I Like :)

When I first heard of the news about this new social networking site, it didn't give me the instinct that I should have my own account there, It wasn't really that impressing for me back then. I remembered someone told me, "Hey, do you already have an account there? It's really cool, you can post your pictures there and let everyone view it." I was like, oh yeah? I already have tons of photos posted on my %^& account, you can check it if you want to, and yeah it's a lot. It didn't make sense to me, a new site that will let you have lots of friends? friends that you don't even know, friends that you'll have but you can't really consider like one in real life; friends that you can only have for the sake of having him in your account and to brag that he's one of your "many" friends.
 Back then, I didn't waste my time creating an account on that new social networking site. Until one day, all of my friends, neighbors, family, people who I chat along the school corridor, shouts "Hey did you see my new PP (Profile Picture) on my Facebook account?"
Am I the only one here who hasn't created an account on Facebook? I thought. That was the time when I decided that It won't hurt making one. Lol.
It was fun, I didn't have a hard time adapting because it was kind of similar to what I had on my previous networking site, which I opt to leave because I find this new one much cooler, much easier to use, and because all of my friends are using it now instead of the old one (sad).
Adding friend is easy, you just "confirm" whoever invites you to be on his list of friends, and you can do vice versa. The limit is 5,000. Yes, I've reached it. I was careless of whom I add as my friend, I thought having lots of them and reaching the count limit will make other users go "Ohh she has lots of friends, maybe she's famous." It was fun yes, but not until I got my poser. I thought having a poser was cool, because famous people do get posers, and It symbolizes that you're way too attractive that other people wants your identity on them.
My poser wasn't really that nice, he?she? I don't know, whoever that was, I'm sure he/she really wants or should I say needs attention. I was calm during the whole thing, I just decided to deactivate my first account and make a new one, a more private one. I will not have lots of friends but at least I won't stress myself again for having a poser. As they say, "few but real ones"
As days pass by, using Facebook became a part of my routine whenever I use the internet. I will check if someone has invited me to be his friend, I would accept if I personally know him, and decline if I don't, not being rude though.

I also noticed that other people are too attached that they have to post all the things they do, almost every time they are online. I'm not against any of those, if that's how they express their selves to everyone, as long as they're not being too annoying to anyone. Just kidding. People do really have their own way of things, Facebook is for everyone, if you don't like what you see, then don't get involve in the first place. Stop looking, stop stalking.

For years, I was a typical Facebook user, I post what's on my mind. I share photos, my own and others - if I find it interesting. I repost things because I find it inspiring. I like/comment on what others post because that's how it goes on Facebook. You get likes if you deserve it, but most of the time, you get likes because you threaten other people of things you can do If they don't like what you just post on your wall. Lol kidding.

One day, while browsing through a page, I found this post and it struck me, It inspired me and I decided to repost it but through a video, It wasn't of a big deal for me, even If that was the first time I did a video of me reading a note. Who cares anyway? My friends will see it but will just make fun of me because of my very simple look there, I was wearing pambahay  with my hair brushed up. I logged out my account and went to bed. The next morning, ofcourse I went first to the computer to open my facebook account - daily routine. I was shocked to see the video on my wall. 8 hours ago, 8,956 likes, 7,098 shares and 1,582 comments. My eyes were dazed and confused at the same time by what I saw. I couldn't move my hands for a while, It was shaking I think. Then I thought, am I famous now? Everyone will talk about me? Everyone would want to know and meet me? Sounds fun, but what I really felt inside was fear. Being sikat is not as fun at it seems. I don't want to be famous really, if that's what will take away my peaceful and simple life, then I might as well choose to be anonymous for the rest of my entire life.  I'm afraid that people will not understand me, people will have lots of things to say about me, because they say, famous people do get haters not just posers, but haters who will really give time to you not because you're valuable, but because it's a pleasure to them to know that you're affected of what they say about you - negative stuffs.
The video I made wasn't really mine, I mean that was me on the video and I had it taken myself, but I was just reading the content. It was obvious If you have watched it, because I intentionally made it that way, and made it guilt-free because I didn't have intentions of offending anyone. I even mentioned on my comment that I just read the post and recorded it for my guy friends because the video was about "Ang mga Lalake".  It's just that I wasn't able to give credits to the one who made the content I read. My mistake. Big mistake, because after a month, the writer came out and made public posts that I had stolen what was hers. I talked to her and explained everything, I even made public apology to let everyone know that It wasn't really my intention to "steal" her work or make myself famous for that matter. We patched things up and made everything clear, but still, other people would not understand. They had all the things to say about me, things they thought would hurt me. They don't know me, and what really happened, that made me calm a little.

And so, I had lots of followers, I'm sure you know what it means. I also made few videos as my way of showing gratitude to those who give their messages to me, saying they really like me and how I inspire them.
It stayed that way for few months, and yes, things changed a little. Whenever I'm in a public place and people would recognize me, they will ask me to have pictures with them. I would feel overwhelmed and shy at the same time because I'm just a simple person, If I can just sit with all of them for a little time and have short conversations, I would do, just to make them feel that I'm just an ordinary person they can laugh with.

Days, Months had passed, I appreciate my life even more. And I realized that staying humble and contented is really the key to happiness. I'm not saying that I regret the opportunity that was given to me, but I must say that having a simple life is more fulfilling than being known by everyone.
People may praise or curse you, that's how it is here on earth, you cannot run from it. Whatever you do, people would have something to say about you. You just have to ACCEPT it and LEARN from it. At the end of the day, what matters is not the things that you went through, but how you manage to survive from it. With all of these, I became even more thankful to God. He made me realize that the things that would really make me happy are already within me. I just need to SHARE it, regardless of who will LIKE it, and what other people will COMMENT about it.

Just When I Though I'm Done

Just When I Thought I’m Done (Part 1)

Sa totoo lang hindi ko alam kung paano ko to sisimulan. Medyo mahirap na naman yata tong natapat sakin. Haay bahala na nga…

Paano mo nga ba masasabing, “Tama na. Tigil na. Hanggang diyan ka na lang”? Paano mo nga ba masasabing nareach mo na ang limitasyon ng makakaya mo – ang hangganan mo? Kailan ka ba dapat sumuko? Kailan ba ang tamang panahon para itigil na ang lahat?

Heto na naman ako. Paulit-ulit sinesermunan yong sarili ko sa utak ko. Paulit-ulit kong sinasabi sa sarili kong, “TAMA NA! WALA NA. HINDI NA MAIBABALIK PA.” Paulit-ulit ko ring sinasabi na nakamove-on na ko. But at the end of the day, paulit-ulit ko ring nare-realize na meron pa.. may kurot pa. After almost 8 months, MAY TAMA PA.

A few months ago bago pa man ako tumakbong SSC President, nasabi ko na sasarili kong NAKAMOVE-ON NA KO. Ilang beses ko na ng aba yong nasabi? Countless times na yata – OO, DI KO NA MABILANG. Halos lahat na rin yata ng tao sa paligid ko napaniwala kong hindi na ko nasasaktan; na hindi na ko apektado sa kung ano man ang meron sa kanya ngayon. Just when I thought I’m done loving him, saka naman nag-message sakin yong kapatid niya through facebook.

“Ate, hindi na niya katabi yong bolang bigay mo. Inalis na niya sa kama niya. Pero don’t worry kami na ang magtatago.”

-Patrick

Hindi ko alam pero bigla na lang unti-unting tumulo yong luha ko. Lahat ng mga sinabi ko tungkol sa pagmo-move-on nakalimutan ko bigla. Parang gumuho yong mundo ko. Gumuho na naman ng dahil sa kanya… Palagi na lang dahil sa kanya… Ang sakit… Tae ang sakit talaga… Yong bolang lagi niyang yakap at tabi sa higaan inalis na niya. Yong bolang bigay ko sa kanya nong hindi pa siya pwedeng magbasketball tinalikuran na niya. Yong bolang may nakasulat na, “I LOVE YOU HON. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THE ONE I WILL LOVE FOREVER” ayaw na niya. Kahit alam kong tama lang yong naging desisyon kong makipagbreak sa kanya dati, bakit ba ang pakiramdam ko mali yon? Bakit ba sobrang sakit pa rin? Bakit ba apektado pa rin ako sa kanya? Kainis.

May girlfriend na siya ngayon. Sabi ko dati, “Oh ano naman?” Pero I just realized, ilang buwan din pala kong nag-stalk sa facebook ni girl dahil binlock ako ni ex. Nakakatawa. I became a stalker because of him. The things I learned from being a stalker?

Una, naging varsity player na siya ng basketball sa school nila.

Pangalawa, nagkatrabaho na siya. Working student.

Pangatlo, gumraduate na siya.

Pati mga outings at bakasyon nila with her new GF alam na alam ko. Lahat halos alam ko. Galing nu?

Haay. TANGA KO TALAGA! SINASAKTAN KO LANG SARILI KO.

Haay… Gustong gusto kong malaman ang kundisyon niya. Gustong gusto ko siyang alagaan. Gusto ko pa ring iparamdam sa kanya na mahalaga pa rin siya sakin. BUT IT WILL NEVER EVER HAPPEN AGAIN. WALA E. WALA NA.

Opo. I admit. I’m not yet over him. Hindi pa rin pala. Kumbaga sa kanin sa plato may masisimot ka pang mumo.

MY BEST FRIEND. . .

Is the one I'm always talking to-
When I wake up in the morning
He is the first person who's already on my mind
Every time I'm eating, I did not forget to say thanks to Him
And before I go to sleep, He is still the last person I'm talking to


We're always together. I always bring Him anywhere
I want to be with Him forever, because He's my stress reliever
He always listens to my story, even though sometimes it's corny
He always understands me. And when I did bad things, He easily forgives me.


I love my Best friend so  much because He never fail to surprise me
He knows everything about me
And always doing things that makes me happy
Whenever I'm down he always uplift me


Helping me on school things
Projects, reports, exams and everything.
Even though at the simplest things
He always find time to understand my mood swings


How lucky I am to be His best buddy
Want to know Him already?
His name starts with the letter G followed by letter O and then D

What I spend money on?

I'm so happy that I had the chance to write about this. I want to share with you guys what i spend money on. Maybe some of you already knew my addiction. But for all those who were thinking on what it is, here it goes.

Since I was a kid, I was kinda kikay girl. I remember that I always wear my mom's highest heels. I don't know why but since I was a kid I always get attracted by the shoes. I always left my neck and eyes every time I saw a beautiful pair of shoes.

Every time I go to mall and have my money, I'm really not thinking twice of buying a new pair. It gives me a different kind of happiness every time I got a new one. Not just an addiction, I consider it as an investment. Because I can see where my money goes. When I'm looking at the stack of my boxes of shoes, it takes my stress away and sometimes I want to wear it all at the same time. If only I can. I will never get tired of buying a new one. As long as I have money and can afford it, I will not stop on buying and will always spoil myself. I'm very thankful that sometimes, I did not have to buy for myself because my aunt is happy supporting me on my hobby. :D

And there's a secret I want to reveal. A long time ago when I had my first break up, all I have to do is to buy a new pair of shoes. My mom did not say anything about me because I know that she understands me. Sometimes she's the one who offers me to buy a new one because she also wants to help me to move on. Haha! But let's forget about that

Now I'm dreaming of having a designer's name shoes. I really want! Maybe I have to save money for that shoes. Maybe If I add together the prices of my shoes, that's the equivalent of that pair.

I'm not thinking about spending my money on other things, even though I wasn't able to eat. The important thing is I will buy my pair of shoes. I don't care about anything but them. They're all my babies. And I want to have more babies.

When I feel frustrated…

When I feel frustrated…

FRUSTRATED — defeated, disappointed

FRUSTRATION — defeat or disappointment…

FRUSTRATED ka dahil hindi mo nakuha ‘yong gusto mo. FRUSTRATED ka dahil hindi napunta sa’yo ‘yong pinaghirapan mo. FRUSTRATED ka dahil hindi mo nailabas ang nararamdaman mo. FRUSTRATED ka dahil hindi mo mailabas ang galit mo sa isang tao. FRUSTRATED ka dahil sinarili mo lang! At dahil FRUSTRATED ka, nagagalit ka. At dahil FRUSTRATED ka, dinaig pa ng bibig mo ang armalite sa pagratsada. Na minsan kahit ang bagay o tao na walang kinalaman sa’yo, nadadamay. At ang pinakamalala, minsan sa sobrang FRUSTRATION na nararamdaman mo, nagaGALIT ka na nga, para ka pang BALIW dahil kung anu-ano ang ginagawa mo.

AT DAHIL SA SALITANG ‘YAN, NAGDADALAWANG-ISIP NA AKO KUNG ITUTULOY KO PA BA ANG BLOG NA’TO O MANANAHIMIK NA LANG AKO!!! Kasi naman bakit hindi agad pumasok sa isip ko noong kinuha ko ang topic na ito na ang dami ko palang maipapaalam na mga bagay na never ko ring sinabi kahit kanino? Pero dahil narito na ‘to, fine, magsasalita na ako kaysa dumagdag pa ito sa napakarami kong FRUSTRATION sa buhay. Iyong unang paragraph, ‘wag ka ng magtaka na naisulat ko iyan dahil unang-una ako ang gumawa nito at pangalawa, SARILI KO ang tinutukoy ko d’yan.

Paano ko ba ‘to sisimulan nang hindi naman n’yo agad masabing baliw nga ang nagsulat nito?

I hate the feeling of being frustrated dahil nag-iiba ako. Pero anong magagawa ko kung may mga bagay na wala akong control na siyang nagiging reason para ma-frustrate ako. I hate the feeling of being frustrated because I became weak. Weak because I cried… and that’s my initial reaction when I feel frustrated. Iyon naman talaga ang unang reaksyon, di ba? Nakaka-frustrate kapag hindi ko nakuha iyong bagay na gustung-gusto ko at iyong bagay na alam kong pinaghirapan ko pero napunta sa iba (hindi ko na masyadong ie-elaborate kasi hahaba ‘to masyado…) at umiiyak na lang ako para ilabas lahat ng sama ng loob dahil sa bagay na iyon. Natural lang na umiyak ang isang tao pero minsan talaga iniisip ko rin na ang hina ko namang tao kung sa isang bagay tutulo na lang luha ko. Pero ano rin naman ang magagawa kung wala naman akong control sa pagluha ng mata ko? Napu-frustrate naman talaga ang isang tao sa mga bagay na walang kontrol.

Ang isa pa, ‘pag napu-frustrate ako, nagdadabog ako TO THE MAX. Sa pagdadabog ko ibinubuhos ang frustration ko. For sure talaga, kung sinuman ang makakakita sa’kin sa gano’ng pagkakataon, sasabihin nila parang hindi si Pauline ‘yon. Nagdadabog at minsan pa, nagsisira ako ng gamit. Hahaha! Promise! Ang dami ko ng nasira na gamit ko at gamit ng Ate ko. Nag-aaway na nga kami dahil do’n minsan. At siguro hindi ka maniniwala na sa away na ‘yon naitulak ko ang Ate ko at na-shoot siya sa kanal. Kahit itanong n’yo pa sa kanya. At dahil lang ‘yan sa frustration dahil may hindi ako nagawa at nakuha that time.

At minsan, idinadaan ko talaga sa galit ang lahat ng frustration ko. Feeling ko kasi, ‘pag galit lang ako, do’n ko nailalabas lahat ng gusto kong ilabas at lahat ng gusto kong sabihin. Pero never akong nagalit sa isang tao dahil lang sa frustration ko sa sarili ko. Kaya lang nangyayari na nagkakagalit kami ni Ate ay dahil sinabayan n’ya ako. Iyong tipong alam niyang galit ako, sasabayan pa niya ng pangungulit at pang-aasar. (kapag tahimik na ako at nakakunot ang noo, ‘wag mo muna akong kausapin dahil sign ‘yon na malapit na akong magalit) Ibang tao na po ako ‘pag sobra na ang galit ako. Buti na lang, hindi n’yo pa ako nakikitang magalit ng sobra. At iyon din ang pinakaiiwasan ko. Kaya kong sabihin ang hindi dapat sabihin na nasasabi ng isang tao ‘pag galit sila. Aside from that, hindi po ako madaling makalimot. Masasabi kong napatawad ko na ang isang tao pero iyong ginawa niya, HINDI KO NAKAKALIMUTAN. Meron pa pong isang tao na hanggang ngayon hindi ko kinakausap dahil nagalit ako sa kanya 2 years ago. Yes, ganyan po ako katindi. J J J

Sobrang daldal ko rin kapag frustrated ako. Salita ako ng salita. Lahat ng gusto kong sabihin, sinasabi ko. BUT, hindi ko pa nagagawa sa school iyong gano’n. Kailangan kasing magpigil dahil alam kong makakasakit ako. BUT, kung nasa bahay ako. Ay naku! Ihanda mo ang tenga mo dahil hindi ako tumitigil at hindi ako titigil hangga’t hindi pa ako tapos. At least sa bahay namin, kaya akong i-pacify ni Mama. Hehehe!!!

At hindi ka rin siguro maniniwala na sometimes I hurt myself when I feeling so down… when I feel frustrated… Yes, nagagawa ko ‘yon (sabi ko sa inyo, nababaliw ako ‘pag frustrated ako, eh, J J J). Nagkapasa ako dahil nasuntok ko ang pader, nasasabunutan ko ang sarili ko... Minsan talaga magagawa mo ang bagay na akala mo hindi mo magagawa dahil nga may nararamdaman ka deep inside. Minsan nasasabi ko pa sa sarili ko na “Ang tanga mo, Pau, simpleng bagay lang hindi mo magawa… hindi mo makuha.” I’m sure, nasasabi mo rin iyan sa sarili mo.

‘Pag nabasa mo ito, at least, alam mo na ang Pau na kilala mo ay hindi pa pala ang totoong Pau pagtalikod mo. Dahil ang totoong PAU ay may ABNORMAL side din pala! (Hey! ‘Wag kang tumawa dahil ikaw din sa sarili mo may ka-ABNORMALan din J). Hindi po ako “plastic” na tao, totoo po ako, NAGKOKONTROL lang. Nagkokontrol dahil marami po akong nagagawa ‘pag frustrated ako. Yes, I am a different person when I feel frustrated. Definitely, the way you see me right now is different when you see me down… when you see me frustrated.