SEE YOU SOON!

Naniniwala ako na wala namang tao ang ipinanganak na walang hiya, yun nga lang may mga tao na sadyang may taglay na kakapalan lang ng mukha.

Bakit ko to nasabi? Kasi there were times na I wish makapal na lang ang mukha ko. There were times that I wished I wasn’t like this. There were times I wished I am someone else. Take note ang TIMES,  meaning maraming beses. Sa sobrang dami di ko na mabilang. Before , everytime I wake up I wish something different will happen. Something na hindi ko na hihilingin pa na maging ibang tao. But everyday was a disappointment, I end up wishing I was in a different place and an entirely different person, just before I go to sleep. Wala kasi akong tiwala sa sarili ko. Feeling ko kulang pa ko, sa sobrang kulang ko, pakiramdam ko kahit anong gawin ko I will never be enough, I will not be the best. Kaya din nung nagsawa na ko I just chose to stay at the corner and maybe I thought stay there unnoticed till the end of my school days.

Before ko maramdaman yung feeling na yun, I was contented. I feel like I can do everything. I tried everything. I joined math contests, sumali ako sa buwan ng wika, I even joined choir in our church before, kasi nga akala ko maganda boses ko e haha.  I never doubted myself, kasi everyone believed in me, everyone supported me. Pero nung lumipat na kami ng place, everything started to change. That little girl, na puno ng tiwala sa sarili unti unting nawala. Maybe one of the reason she left ay dahil nabawasan yung support group nya, nawala sya sa comfort zone nya. Everything changed. Actually, before sinisisi ko ang elementary days that I have spend here. Kasi I wasn’t like this before we moved here. My elementary days were nightmare.

When I entered high school bago na si ako. Lahat na lang feeling ko di ko kaya. Lahat na lang, even writing on the board ayaw ko. Baka kasi maasar ako, yung mga ganong feeling. I thought that the people that surrounded during my high school days are similar to the person I have been with in elem. But I was wrong. They helped me get out of the corner I was hiding. They made me believe that there are things I can do. They trusted me, loved me and supported me. Kaya naman when I entered college, akala ko hindi na ko magi-improve pa, mali na naman ako. Kung nung high school ako natulungan nila ako para magawa ko yung mga bagay na gusto kong gawin kaya lang di ko magawa dahil nahihiya ako. Ang college friends ko? Hindi lang nila ako tinulungan, they forced me to do things. Ewan ko ba, nasobrahan naman sila ng tiwala sakin. Haha. But I am very thankful sa kanila. Without them sobrang mahiyain pa din siguro ako.

Through these experiences and those people, I learned that the best person I can be is just simply being me. Treasure my strengths, accept my weaknesses, and love my imperfections. I know I will always be a shy person, but now believing in myself. So that’s how I went from shy to less shy :)

PS:

Friends, thank you for leading me this far, thank you for helping me remember that little girl I was before. And to you little girl, see you soon :)